Wednesday, May 25, 2011

making decisions

i want to begin by thanking all of you that sent brandie some virtual ((((hugs)))) and support. truly. thank you. brandie's surgery went well and she is recovering--now at home.

so i put it *out there* that i am considering breaking-up with my blog.

it's not's me.

i'm considering.

thank you to those of you that left a comment or sent an e-mail to not shut down the blog. i still am not sure what i'm going to do. it's either i step it up or shut it down. i know. i can be a little contradictory. it happens. i do that, sometimes.

my intention was really never to be a blogger.
i swear.

originally, i wanted to post pics of my art. (that, like almost never happens.)

i don't consider myself a all.
i consider myself someone that loves to tell stories and hear stories and read stories and share what i know and learn from other people. somehow, that led me to blogging.

it seems that so much of what would make great blog posts (in my mind) aren't my stories to tell. we have a teenager. our conversations and what is going through my mind daily....sometimes hourly would make amazing blog posts. but, shockingly--16 year old boy-men, don't want their mommas sharing with the world all their business. i know--the injustice, right?

there is other stuff too. but the young man stuff is blog worthy. so, i'm trying to figure that out. actually, it's not so much the *young man* stuff--but, the momma of a young man stuff. this is the stuff life is made of--the messy and interesting, the funny and dramatic, the scary and courageous stuff. i can feel myself stretching and growing everyday. some days, i rock mothering. some days--i'm an epic fail. (of course, we do not say *epic fail*'s overused--says one 16 year old, that shares our home)

i thought i would still be teaching my son at this time in his life. i suppose i am. but, i really had no idea i would be the student most days. i love this boy more than my heart can take sometimes. sometimes, i'd just like to hold him tight tight tight. those are usually the days when i need to let him loose a little more.

so now that is leading me to some new decisions--directions that i have to decide how to follow. but, i'm getting good at leading from behind, anyway.

love and light and good decisions


  1. So why not just blog when the mood strikes? it doesn't have to be shit, or get off the pot! it can be whenever. besides, i would so miss you! i'm not a writer either. your photos, btw, remind me of a question i have for god one day.... why didn't he make deep purple begonias? they would be so lovely!

  2. I was told by a VERY bright individual in my life to never push it to post, because that's when it FEELS forced and no one wants to read it anyways. I agree with Yvonne- just write when the mood strikes or when you need a place to let loose the thoughts that keep swirling... oooooor when your son gives you the go ahead to post some of those convos you guys have. :-)

  3. Deborah...even though I told you last week, I wanted to tell you again that I really love your blog. You provide inspiration & a lovely perspective on things. I agree with Yvonne---just blog when you feel like it, no pressure from us! :) I totally get that teenagers don't want you writing about them. Just write about your perspective as a mother, not necessarily all the details that your boys want kept private. A very fine line, I know. Anyway, just wanted to tell you again that you are great and so is your blog. Thanks again for the insights you share with all of us! Chris, San Diego CA

  4. You take so beautiful pictures and your words are funny and inspiring. Blogging shouldn't be stressful. It's always tough to balance - family and your passion.
    Whatever decision you make, I know it's for the best.
    PS - thanks for posting the update on Brandie.

  5. Tried to leave you
    a message earlier in
    the week but BLOGGER
    has decided to pick a
    fight with me and I can't
    comment with Chrome as
    my browser, apparently.
    So now I'm running Fire-
    fox and crossing my
    fingers....Anyway, I
    SO related to your last
    post and sent BIG old prayers
    for Brandie. Just went
    on this journey with one
    of my BFFs. I actually
    wrote a bit about it for
    my next post : ) As for
    staying or going, I say,
    leave the door open and
    follow your heart. Remember,
    it's supposed to be FUN!!
    It's yours and you own it
    and YOU decided when and
    what and how much to share.
    xx Suzanne
    PS: That said, I'd miss you!

  6. Just saw your blog. I can relate, I'm a story teller, listener (hopefully). Teenagers arriving from pre-teens, they are so wish they weren't so scared to let people know them, 'cause they are so awesome.

    Have a great time with your son, mine is younger than yours, but I already envision him walking out the door to college.

  7. Oh, I definitely get it. That feeling hanging over your head that, Hey! I have a neglected blog out there! But let me tell you, I just like to hear your voice. Whenever you decide to share it. :)

  8. Wow, we are living parallel lives - my baseball player is 16, too. And I know exactly what you need about wanting to hold tight when we need to loosen the grip. This is a crazy time for me. My chest gets physically tight when I think about him only having 2 years of high school left... I also know that feeling about the blog - sometimes I question whether I need to refocus my energies elsewhere, but... here I am for now. Thanks for coming by!