i want to begin by thanking all of you that sent brandie some virtual ((((hugs)))) and support. truly. thank you. brandie's surgery went well and she is recovering--now at home.
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so i put it *out there* that i am considering breaking-up with my blog.
it's not you....it's me.
i'm considering.
thank you to those of you that left a comment or sent an e-mail to not shut down the blog. i still am not sure what i'm going to do. it's either i step it up or shut it down. i know. i can be a little contradictory. it happens. i do that, sometimes.
my intention was really never to be a blogger.
i swear.
originally, i wanted to post pics of my art. (that, like almost never happens.)
i don't consider myself a writer....at all.
i consider myself someone that loves to tell stories and hear stories and read stories and share what i know and learn from other people. somehow, that led me to blogging.
it seems that so much of what would make great blog posts (in my mind) aren't my stories to tell. we have a teenager. our conversations and what is going through my mind daily....sometimes hourly would make amazing blog posts. but, shockingly--16 year old boy-men, don't want their mommas sharing with the world all their business. i know--the injustice, right?
there is other stuff too. but the young man stuff is blog worthy. so, i'm trying to figure that out. actually, it's not so much the *young man* stuff--but, the momma of a young man stuff. this is the stuff life is made of--the messy and interesting, the funny and dramatic, the scary and courageous stuff. i can feel myself stretching and growing everyday. some days, i rock mothering. some days--i'm an epic fail. (of course, we do not say *epic fail* anymore....it's overused--says one 16 year old, that shares our home)
i thought i would still be teaching my son at this time in his life. i suppose i am. but, i really had no idea i would be the student most days. i love this boy more than my heart can take sometimes. sometimes, i'd just like to hold him tight tight tight. those are usually the days when i need to let him loose a little more.
so now that is leading me to some new decisions--directions that i have to decide how to follow. but, i'm getting good at leading from behind, anyway.
love and light and good decisions
deborah
