making decisions

i want to begin by thanking all of you that sent brandie some virtual ((((hugs)))) and support. truly. thank you. brandie's surgery went well and she is recovering--now at home.

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so i put it *out there* that i am considering breaking-up with my blog.

it's not you....it's me.

i'm considering.

thank you to those of you that left a comment or sent an e-mail to not shut down the blog. i still am not sure what i'm going to do. it's either i step it up or shut it down. i know. i can be a little contradictory. it happens. i do that, sometimes.

my intention was really never to be a blogger.
i swear.

originally, i wanted to post pics of my art. (that, like almost never happens.)


i don't consider myself a writer....at all.
i consider myself someone that loves to tell stories and hear stories and read stories and share what i know and learn from other people. somehow, that led me to blogging.

it seems that so much of what would make great blog posts (in my mind) aren't my stories to tell. we have a teenager. our conversations and what is going through my mind daily....sometimes hourly would make amazing blog posts. but, shockingly--16 year old boy-men, don't want their mommas sharing with the world all their business. i know--the injustice, right?

there is other stuff too. but the young man stuff is blog worthy. so, i'm trying to figure that out. actually, it's not so much the *young man* stuff--but, the momma of a young man stuff. this is the stuff life is made of--the messy and interesting, the funny and dramatic, the scary and courageous stuff. i can feel myself stretching and growing everyday. some days, i rock mothering. some days--i'm an epic fail. (of course, we do not say *epic fail* anymore....it's overused--says one 16 year old, that shares our home)


i thought i would still be teaching my son at this time in his life. i suppose i am. but, i really had no idea i would be the student most days. i love this boy more than my heart can take sometimes. sometimes, i'd just like to hold him tight tight tight. those are usually the days when i need to let him loose a little more.

so now that is leading me to some new decisions--directions that i have to decide how to follow. but, i'm getting good at leading from behind, anyway.


love and light and good decisions
deborah

wrestling and tackling

the boys have another snow day. it is not snowing. it is sunny and blue skies are filling my windows. it's really pretty. and really cold.

so, i can hear the boys wrestling in the family room. that will end badly. so, i'm off to encourage them to figure out something else to do. i may encourage chores;)

then, i'm tackling my studio--which is really our extra bedroom that has no bed. it does have nine lifetimes of art and craft supplies.


that room also catches everything that hasn't found a permanent home. alas, that's the problem. so, i'm going in to pick up, throw out, pack away and file neatly. i may need reinforcements. good thing it's a snow day. :)


best
deborah

attitude of gratitude

i am thankful for songs and music, painting and sculptures, movies and literature everyday. some days, hard days--they pull me through. do you ever feel that way? and some days, the right song at the right time is like a blessing. a friend loans you a book just when you need it most? i love when that happens. these nine things are like that for me. enjoy. :)

91. jack johnson's song, "better together"....alright, pretty much anything jack johnson's does or is;)
92. dave matthew's song "you might die trying"
93. "night" by elie wiesel

94. mark rothko's painting #24
95. the sound of music with julie andrews
96. "wonder" by natalie merchant
97. any book or story by anne lamont
98. genesis 1
99. genesis 2


best
deborah

science a'la mode

every family needs one baker.

needs.

in my family....it is my sister. not me.

she makes all the desserts for every birthday and holiday.

i'm pretty sure she's baked her own birthday cake several years in a row.

i think that is probably at least a little wrong.

b says to me, "she bakes her own birthday dessert? really? that's kind of sad. " in my defense i say, "well, would she want something i baked?" b gives me the arched eyebrow.

baking is science. i earned a minor in science. i should be set.

cooking is art. i love art.

i love the art of cooking--of adding a little more of one thing. maybe a little less of something else. of tweaking and following my instincts. of letting creativity and what's in season lead my hand. maybe some orange peel. and a bit more pepper. out of white onion? maybe i'll add red. the tomatoes are so good--toss those in too.

i've learned you cannot just fly by the seat of your pants, baking. i will pretty much fly by the seat of my pants any chance i get. baking will humble a person like that--like me. i thought i had followed one of my grandma's recipes last christmas for *butterhorns*--a light and flaky pastry shaped into crescents and filled with an apricot preserve. i have such happy memories of those butterhorns and my grandma.

i made cement in a bowl. i did manage to save said bowl--i chiseled it out.

i can make/bake a box mix....i'm not that inept, but the *from scratch* recipes have me scratching my head pretty much every time. (though i do have one *no fail* recipe, i'll share later)

so next year, i promised to bake my sister her birthday dessert. i'm not promising it will be great. i'm going for edible.
she's requested a chocolate torte--my grandma's recipe. oh boy. chisel--check, hammer--check:)


best
deborah