class is in session

i sat in the van, that was parked safely in the garage and tried to teach b how to drive.

b likes to mess with me. a lot. like all the time. he's my button-pusher.


then, the next day, i put my camera away and took him to a neighborhood to drive. for reals. this is a neighborhood with few houses. even less cars and it seems like no people. of course, there were cars and people and mailboxes and not a straight road in the place.

i panicked a few times. yelled once or twice. i think i swore out loud. and i could feel my heart in my stomach, head and neck. pulsing. hard.

to make matters worse, some goof-ball was lighting fireworks off in his yard, just as we whizzed by at about 7 mph.

when we returned home i looked up *how to teach someone to drive* on google. this is what i read.

If possible, leave your teen's first on-the-road experiences to the care of a professional. Many a nasty accident has occurred because an inexperienced beginner was allowed to get into a situation that was too much to cope with. A miscalculation in speed, a sudden change in traffic conditions, or an awkward combination of circumstances could lead to disaster. The professionals are used to anticipating such problems-and they have the advantage of dual controls. Your task as co-driver is to back up the work of the professionals with well-planned and coordinated practice sessions.--fromdrivers.com.

i knew it.

i am a mom.
i am a pretty good cook.
i am a pretty good psychologist.
i am a pretty good nurse.
i am a pretty good barber.
i am a pretty good math teacher.
i am a pretty good referee.
i am a pretty good accountant.

i am a lousy driving instructor.

that's all. class dismissed.


love and light and I SAID BRAKE
deborah

p.s. this morning as we were dropping off my son's friend (after the official first day of driver's ed), someone did a bit of a lawn job while pulling out of the friend's driveway. it happens to the best of us right? yeah. i was driving. awesome.

making decisions

i want to begin by thanking all of you that sent brandie some virtual ((((hugs)))) and support. truly. thank you. brandie's surgery went well and she is recovering--now at home.

************************************************************************************
so i put it *out there* that i am considering breaking-up with my blog.

it's not you....it's me.

i'm considering.

thank you to those of you that left a comment or sent an e-mail to not shut down the blog. i still am not sure what i'm going to do. it's either i step it up or shut it down. i know. i can be a little contradictory. it happens. i do that, sometimes.

my intention was really never to be a blogger.
i swear.

originally, i wanted to post pics of my art. (that, like almost never happens.)


i don't consider myself a writer....at all.
i consider myself someone that loves to tell stories and hear stories and read stories and share what i know and learn from other people. somehow, that led me to blogging.

it seems that so much of what would make great blog posts (in my mind) aren't my stories to tell. we have a teenager. our conversations and what is going through my mind daily....sometimes hourly would make amazing blog posts. but, shockingly--16 year old boy-men, don't want their mommas sharing with the world all their business. i know--the injustice, right?

there is other stuff too. but the young man stuff is blog worthy. so, i'm trying to figure that out. actually, it's not so much the *young man* stuff--but, the momma of a young man stuff. this is the stuff life is made of--the messy and interesting, the funny and dramatic, the scary and courageous stuff. i can feel myself stretching and growing everyday. some days, i rock mothering. some days--i'm an epic fail. (of course, we do not say *epic fail* anymore....it's overused--says one 16 year old, that shares our home)


i thought i would still be teaching my son at this time in his life. i suppose i am. but, i really had no idea i would be the student most days. i love this boy more than my heart can take sometimes. sometimes, i'd just like to hold him tight tight tight. those are usually the days when i need to let him loose a little more.

so now that is leading me to some new decisions--directions that i have to decide how to follow. but, i'm getting good at leading from behind, anyway.


love and light and good decisions
deborah

afternoon

last day of the semester, yesterday. thank goodness. i took b out to lunch to celebrate. two of his six teachers were sitting just 10 feet away in another booth. he didn't wave.

he did talk non-stop for an hour, though. i love when that happens. when i remember to shut-up(a phrase i really do not allow in our home) long enough to let him speak his mind and what's on his heart. love it.

after lunch, we split up in target and he found me in the baby clothes section after about 20 minutes. he was puzzled. target has really cute baby things right now--that's all.

i did manage to buy two rugs that are super gorgeous but do not work in my space and two tops that also are gorgeous that do not work on me. you know what did work and fits pertectly? this scarf. love it.



best
deborah

the best-laid plans

i'm sort of exhausted. spent.

it was quite an unusual week.

nothing really went as planned.

even when i planned on things not going well. they went in a totally unexpected direction. i thought that by planning for the sucker-punch i would avoid the sucker-punch. nope. didn't even see the frying pan above my head.

trying to help--got me....er, the b in the most trouble.

sorry b. totally my fault.

i don't text. well, i don't text often and usually b helps me. but, wednesday....i did it.
all.
by.
myself.

i texted b at school--i swear i thought it was between classes. nope. guess who had to turn his phone into the principal's office and now has to serve detention? truth be told--he wasn't even a little bit mad. he thought it was funny. somehow, i wonder if this will come back later and bite me? i should probably plan on that. ;)


best
deborah