i'm telling my truth

i'm coming clean.

i'm owning my truth--this is one part of it. it certainly isn't all of who i am.

i've got weight to lose.

about 20 pounds. i've already lost 27.

yep....these are the real numbers--not that the numbers mean everything. but, they must mean something. how i feel in my own skin means a lot. and my good health means a ton.

there was a time....not so long ago when the thought of telling someone what i weighed would have sent me straight to the bakery or the top drawer of my bedside table (where i would keep haribo gummis or dove milk chocolate promises).

i'm the only person that has ever done that, i'm sure?

but really, who am i kidding?
by not owning my weight--am i fooling anyone? really?
and, more importantly, am i fooling myself?

maybe by a couple of measly pounds.
some might have guessed me at 184 or maybe on a good day--180.
would anyone believe i was 110 pounds? a size 6?
and really does anyone care?

so why even share this information?

i'm wondering that. it's out there. i'm owning it....and by owning it, i can change it. plus, keeping this undercover just isn't how i roll.

when i started to become serious about changing my body, i first had to change my mind.

i had a heart to heart with my doctor. like so many women, i feared breast cancer and ovarian cancer. the truth? my doctor said nothing. she listened.

i said, "i should be worried about heart-disease, being overweight." she tilted her head and smiled. no lecture. no anything really, but in the weighted room of a doctor's office, i looked my numbers square and knew i had to move off the course i was on.

so i began at 193 pounds on october 30, 2009--just two days after the doctor's visit. weighed in at weight watchers, my sweet friend, pretty penny by my side.

today, am at 166. 27 pounds down but still a way to go. i'm 5'6".

i feel good. really good. and i'm pretty proud of this.

even with the plateau of summer 2010--where i did not lose any weight. wonder why?

i'll tell you why. because i thought a deserved a little more--in the way of larger portions.

to say i've struggled with weight would be a lie.

i invited it to lunch. and dinner. for years.

sure, i had a week here and another week there where i would cut back and speed up....but it didn't last.

i haven't tried all the diets. i did slim-fast in the early 1990's to fit into something saturday night. and there was the summer of the cabbage soup diet. that's about it.

so, there it is. in real numbers. i'm telling my truth and while were at it, i'm 43. don't look a day over 42 1/2--thanks to the hair-color;)

maybe you don't have weight to lose. maybe maybe you do. maybe it's something else. maybe saying it aloud will be the first step or the next step to help you reach your best you. just a thought.


best
deborah

reason #243 why i like my son

watching our oldest son get ready.

get ready for this year's homecoming.

like he is trying on what adulthood might look like.

in his own style.

you need no reason to love someone; should have no reasons why you would love someone. but, to like them? really honestly and truly, like them?

reason #243 why i like this boy; this young man--my son.

he is patient with my need to take his growing up....s l o w l y.

it's not that he isn't ready. it's that i'm not always ready--not prepared for the next step, quite yet.

i am thankful he gets that--that he is patient with his mom.

that he smiles and nods when i say for the hundredth time, "i'll get there....just give me a little more time. i'm doing my best."



still.

he needs guidance from his parents.

and a tie adjustment. and a ride.


best
deborah

it speaks to me

encourage good intentions.
'nough said.
at target. right now.

p.s.
both the tray....and me. :)

p.s.s.
$9.99.

p.s.s.s.
the tray. not me.



best
deborah

so long

summer.

i'm gonna miss you.

a lot.

until next year.

xoxo
deborah

science a'la mode

every family needs one baker.

needs.

in my family....it is my sister. not me.

she makes all the desserts for every birthday and holiday.

i'm pretty sure she's baked her own birthday cake several years in a row.

i think that is probably at least a little wrong.

b says to me, "she bakes her own birthday dessert? really? that's kind of sad. " in my defense i say, "well, would she want something i baked?" b gives me the arched eyebrow.

baking is science. i earned a minor in science. i should be set.

cooking is art. i love art.

i love the art of cooking--of adding a little more of one thing. maybe a little less of something else. of tweaking and following my instincts. of letting creativity and what's in season lead my hand. maybe some orange peel. and a bit more pepper. out of white onion? maybe i'll add red. the tomatoes are so good--toss those in too.

i've learned you cannot just fly by the seat of your pants, baking. i will pretty much fly by the seat of my pants any chance i get. baking will humble a person like that--like me. i thought i had followed one of my grandma's recipes last christmas for *butterhorns*--a light and flaky pastry shaped into crescents and filled with an apricot preserve. i have such happy memories of those butterhorns and my grandma.

i made cement in a bowl. i did manage to save said bowl--i chiseled it out.

i can make/bake a box mix....i'm not that inept, but the *from scratch* recipes have me scratching my head pretty much every time. (though i do have one *no fail* recipe, i'll share later)

so next year, i promised to bake my sister her birthday dessert. i'm not promising it will be great. i'm going for edible.
she's requested a chocolate torte--my grandma's recipe. oh boy. chisel--check, hammer--check:)


best
deborah

words i am living by

"for every person who might reject you if you live your truth, there are ten others who will embrace you and welcome you home."--marianne williamson

come on in. can i take your coat? and your bags? make yourself comfortable. coffee? tea?


best
deborah

almost precious

i've been collecting bits and pieces--beads and findings, links of chain and ribbon, coins and charms for years--since i was probably about six or seven years old.

old and new.

hand and machine made.

scrambling it all together.

the skeleton key with the indigo glass bead is from alison. you should totally go see what else she's up to.

a letter d for my first name.

a pretty new cross.

and some nuts. souped-up nuts. with my blog name.


all together in a rosary-styled necklace, a fauxrosary. ferocious. fierce.

i imagine this is the first of many.

where'd i stash that box of coins? and the old beads?

what might you have stashed away somewhere? what did you collect and save as a little girl? i'd love to hear about it.


best
deborah

monday morning mind

monday morning mind. sometimes it even shows up again on tuesday. who am i kidding--wednesday isn't necessarily safe, either. i'm trying to get my thoughts in order.

my mind doesn't always work that way--orderly.

so first, thank you to all of you that have sent me links and tutorials on photography. so kind.

this is my best pic from the last few days.
goldenrod (with bokeh, no less)

i'm heading out today to snap some more photos.

wish the boys would enjoy posing or looking *natural* a little more;) isn't it shocking that they aren't thrilled to spend hours on a haystack or gazing into at a baseball mitt for their momma?

i may have to bribe them.
what?
c'mon.
there are worse things.

but the kitties?

the kitties tolerate lots of picture taking.

i'm pretty sure they think i'm ridiculous.
i don't care.

so, these are the latest, best shots of our baby girls.
indie
true

i promise not to post kitty pictures everyday.
i swear.
but....aren't they the cutest?

best
deborah

decisions decisions

decisions decisions.

give me a HUGE life-time commitment decision to make and lickity-split (likicky-split? really, it's the first thing that popped into my head), it's done. i know my decision, immediately or at least very quickly.

i knew i would marry big red on our first date--we were engaged soon after, like weeks after.

choosing a media console?

i need time.

months.
many months.
maybe 6 months.

i LOVE this console.
LOVE. with capital letters.
not LOVE like i LOVE big red, but LoVe, nonetheless.


i LoVe it, except that it wouldn't work so well as a media console--too tipsy and only that bottom shelf.

i also had a mild crush on this one for about 12 minutes.

i have looked at every console, cabinet, buffet and server on the world wide web. i've covered it all. i've searched antique markets and a couple garage sales.

our 17 year old television died back in the spring.
and then after three days, it started working again.
then died.

i know, it's a little biblical and maybe a bit blasphemous--making that analogy.

we didn't know if we should bury the thing in the backyard or toss it out.

but, because it was spring i was

s l o w

to begin looking for a replacement.

i thought it would be nice to have just the one television (in our bedroom?). we'd have to remember to share and when the weather breaks and summer moves into michigan, who needs more television? (in case you are wondering, i did end up catching WAY too many episodes of *river monsters*, *monsters inside me*--that's a post in itself, and *sportscenter*, while sharing.)

i dragged my sweet friend, the english d/parsnip to the pottery barn outlet where i bought nothing while searching for an appropriate (*read* maybe non-existent) console and she bought a $200 lamp--that now doesn't *work* in her new house. (she's welcome:))

so this week i finally narrowed the search and made a decision. big red and i picked it up and brought it home.

(still need to move out old cabinet....tomorrow)

now i have to decide on a television. the boys are hoping that happens before easter. it's not a lifetime commitment, it a television--televisions only seem to last about 17 years. it's not like i'm marrying it, right?

best
deborah

growing boys

we have the first day of school jitters.

well, the boys seem alright, but big red and i have the jitters.

it doesn't matter how old i am, i always get them; and i'm not even school-bound.

it's the first day of school here and in most of michigan.

b is a high school sophomore this year.

how fast he went from this giggly pre-schooler to this trying-really-hard-to-be-serious big guy.


and r is headed to 5th grade....at the intermediate school, no more elementary school for us.
seems like yesterday i was pinning that bus number star on little r's shirt....

we're all big kids now. when did that happen? i used to think that slowing down time would help me ease into the boys growing up and out, but i think that jack johnson's lyric from *turn your love*,

It's not that it goes too fast
It's just that it goes at all.

pretty much sums up my thoughts and feelings these days, as i'm just trying to savor every bit.


best
deborah

beginning

mama has a new camera. (no--not that one)

yep.

for those of you (all three of you) that followed me on my other blog, i had promised myself a new camera as a reward for getting healthy--mostly losing weight.

well, not *mostly* losing weight...but losing weight.

however, when my birthday rolled around big red and the boys were stumped.

(they do not know about my favorites list on etsy?)

so they bought me the canon T1i.


it is really something. it's more than something. it's a bit intimidating.

totally overwhelmed--it has a 243 page manual. i think my point and shoot had a 1 1/2page leaflet.

but, i've played with it a bit and am having little successes each time. the thing is, i know that this camera can wonderfully capture and keep tiny moments in time.

so i have a great camera...now i need a great photographer. right now--i'm not great; i'm a beginner. we are all beginners, in the beginning. but, with trail and error and lots of erring, we become better. better than yesterday.

don't we all want to be better than yesterday? and not quite as good as tomorrow? it is something to strive for.

what are you beginning these days?


best
deborah

quench

to quench your thirst.

a recycled glass pitcher.

really.



in that glass the color of old coca-cola bottles.

wondering where i picked up this pretty?

target.

yep.

i'm loving it.

filling it with filtered water and lemons. even some sweet basil.

so refreshing.

what's quenching your thirst these days?


best
deborah