i'm telling my truth

i'm coming clean.

i'm owning my truth--this is one part of it. it certainly isn't all of who i am.

i've got weight to lose.

about 20 pounds. i've already lost 27.

yep....these are the real numbers--not that the numbers mean everything. but, they must mean something. how i feel in my own skin means a lot. and my good health means a ton.

there was a time....not so long ago when the thought of telling someone what i weighed would have sent me straight to the bakery or the top drawer of my bedside table (where i would keep haribo gummis or dove milk chocolate promises).

i'm the only person that has ever done that, i'm sure?

but really, who am i kidding?
by not owning my weight--am i fooling anyone? really?
and, more importantly, am i fooling myself?

maybe by a couple of measly pounds.
some might have guessed me at 184 or maybe on a good day--180.
would anyone believe i was 110 pounds? a size 6?
and really does anyone care?

so why even share this information?

i'm wondering that. it's out there. i'm owning it....and by owning it, i can change it. plus, keeping this undercover just isn't how i roll.

when i started to become serious about changing my body, i first had to change my mind.

i had a heart to heart with my doctor. like so many women, i feared breast cancer and ovarian cancer. the truth? my doctor said nothing. she listened.

i said, "i should be worried about heart-disease, being overweight." she tilted her head and smiled. no lecture. no anything really, but in the weighted room of a doctor's office, i looked my numbers square and knew i had to move off the course i was on.

so i began at 193 pounds on october 30, 2009--just two days after the doctor's visit. weighed in at weight watchers, my sweet friend, pretty penny by my side.

today, am at 166. 27 pounds down but still a way to go. i'm 5'6".

i feel good. really good. and i'm pretty proud of this.

even with the plateau of summer 2010--where i did not lose any weight. wonder why?

i'll tell you why. because i thought a deserved a little more--in the way of larger portions.

to say i've struggled with weight would be a lie.

i invited it to lunch. and dinner. for years.

sure, i had a week here and another week there where i would cut back and speed up....but it didn't last.

i haven't tried all the diets. i did slim-fast in the early 1990's to fit into something saturday night. and there was the summer of the cabbage soup diet. that's about it.

so, there it is. in real numbers. i'm telling my truth and while were at it, i'm 43. don't look a day over 42 1/2--thanks to the hair-color;)

maybe you don't have weight to lose. maybe maybe you do. maybe it's something else. maybe saying it aloud will be the first step or the next step to help you reach your best you. just a thought.


best
deborah