Tuesday, June 7, 2011


i did it. i really did it. i did it this time.

i've need to call the place down the road that teaches driver's education.

i know i needed to. i've needed to for quite some time.

not for me. for this little guy.

alright, that's an old picture. but, in my mind he will always be a little like that.
even though he is much more like this.

i linked everything i could to the driving.
not a perfect grade = no driving school.
forget to put your bike away properly = no driving school.
leaving backpack in the middle of the hallway = no driving school.
not wearing his retainer = no driving school.

truly, no rhyme or reason.

but our son has been patient. i mean REALLY--break out the capital letters, PATIENT.

let me just say--i know it is not his issue.

it's mine. all mine.

and the issue isn't really driving.

it's control.

and i realize that my fear, anxiety and worry is that i cannot control what happens to my children, my growing young man in this world.

i am happiest and most at ease when i know that all my people are safe at home. unfortunately, my people aren't so accommodating to being tucked in at home all the time.

there was a time that i thought that i feared my child driving. i have no reason to think b isn't ready. i have no reason to think he will be a bad or careless driver. and then i realized, my dad was driving the day he was hit head-on and he is an excellent driver. he did what he could to avoid being hit and probably saved my mom in the process, but he was hit. he could not control the person in the other car.

we cannot control the actions of someone else.

let me say that again (mostly for myself)--we cannot control the actions of someone else.

but we can control some things. things like preparing ourselves and our children through education and example. we can give them an advantage, by offering skills and knowledge. by giving them boundaries, so at least they know when they've crossed them.

so last week, i called b over and asked him to look over the registration. i had signed him up.

after a few minutes, b says, "hit the *send* button, mom"

it's a big step for me. and for my son.

now, i might need to throw-up. but, i'm prepared.

love and light and big steps


  1. Love this, D. Will be rereading in a few years. I will be worse than you. I think. You're a good and brave mama!

  2. We are traveling the same path and on the same wavelength, my friend. I'll hold your hand, if you hold mine, okay?

  3. Sending you hugs!

    My brother turned 16 yesterday, I was 19 when he was born and I still look at him like he should be Finn's age. He is taking his test on Thursday (he's already had his temporary for 6 months) and I can't even believe it.

  4. Oh Deborah,
    I can see how
    hard it would
    be for you to
    move forward after
    such a traumatic
    event in your family.
    My daughter has her
    permit and will start
    behind the wheel in
    a few weeks. She's
    not interested, but
    we are making her move
    forward, as it's a part
    of growing up where the
    more experience, the better.
    Bravo for giving him wings,
    mama bird!!
    xx Suzanne

  5. Deborah!
    Glad to find your blog through the site we "met" at. (I'm an artist and jewelry-maker, too!)
    I'll be reading...

  6. I can so relate to this. My son is 16. He's been driving since September. I went opposite of you and signed him up for driver's ed right after he turned 15 - my thought was he would have to drive with me or his dad in the car for much longer that way. I reasoned that practice makes perfect! The reality is, it wasn't him I was worried about. He's a good driver. He's responsible. But I can't control the other drivers and that scares the pants off me. Hang in there. I can't promise it gets easier - only that we can get through it :)