for always

my adoption day....today.

the day I was placed in my family's home

for good

or for worse

but, for always.


best
deborah

choosing grey

autumn is often the loveliest season in michigan.
but this year? weekends have been gloomy and windy and rainy and cold.

i prefer the happy and breezy and sunshiny and warm. I realize that's how i prefer summer as well. and i'd totally go for a winter like that too.

but you know what a grey october day does?
it makes me think we should paint or fix stuff. er...well, it makes me think i should convince big red to paint and fix stuff. it makes me make soup or chili or sauce.

so poor poor big red found himself picking up paint on saturday morning. he also stopped by his favorite coffee house(twice). don't feel too badly for him.

r and i had discussed and chose the colors weeks ago. we allow our kids to have a loud say in their room decor.

in the end, he ended up choosing exactly what his big brother chose.

if you are going to allow your kids a say, you have to be alright with what they choose, even if it's what their brother chose. vintage grey and midnight--but with a different exposure and different furniture it won't look the same. it'll have his own *r* stamp of uniqueness.


best
deborah

i'm telling my truth

i'm coming clean.

i'm owning my truth--this is one part of it. it certainly isn't all of who i am.

i've got weight to lose.

about 20 pounds. i've already lost 27.

yep....these are the real numbers--not that the numbers mean everything. but, they must mean something. how i feel in my own skin means a lot. and my good health means a ton.

there was a time....not so long ago when the thought of telling someone what i weighed would have sent me straight to the bakery or the top drawer of my bedside table (where i would keep haribo gummis or dove milk chocolate promises).

i'm the only person that has ever done that, i'm sure?

but really, who am i kidding?
by not owning my weight--am i fooling anyone? really?
and, more importantly, am i fooling myself?

maybe by a couple of measly pounds.
some might have guessed me at 184 or maybe on a good day--180.
would anyone believe i was 110 pounds? a size 6?
and really does anyone care?

so why even share this information?

i'm wondering that. it's out there. i'm owning it....and by owning it, i can change it. plus, keeping this undercover just isn't how i roll.

when i started to become serious about changing my body, i first had to change my mind.

i had a heart to heart with my doctor. like so many women, i feared breast cancer and ovarian cancer. the truth? my doctor said nothing. she listened.

i said, "i should be worried about heart-disease, being overweight." she tilted her head and smiled. no lecture. no anything really, but in the weighted room of a doctor's office, i looked my numbers square and knew i had to move off the course i was on.

so i began at 193 pounds on october 30, 2009--just two days after the doctor's visit. weighed in at weight watchers, my sweet friend, pretty penny by my side.

today, am at 166. 27 pounds down but still a way to go. i'm 5'6".

i feel good. really good. and i'm pretty proud of this.

even with the plateau of summer 2010--where i did not lose any weight. wonder why?

i'll tell you why. because i thought a deserved a little more--in the way of larger portions.

to say i've struggled with weight would be a lie.

i invited it to lunch. and dinner. for years.

sure, i had a week here and another week there where i would cut back and speed up....but it didn't last.

i haven't tried all the diets. i did slim-fast in the early 1990's to fit into something saturday night. and there was the summer of the cabbage soup diet. that's about it.

so, there it is. in real numbers. i'm telling my truth and while were at it, i'm 43. don't look a day over 42 1/2--thanks to the hair-color;)

maybe you don't have weight to lose. maybe maybe you do. maybe it's something else. maybe saying it aloud will be the first step or the next step to help you reach your best you. just a thought.


best
deborah

reason #243 why i like my son

watching our oldest son get ready.

get ready for this year's homecoming.

like he is trying on what adulthood might look like.

in his own style.

you need no reason to love someone; should have no reasons why you would love someone. but, to like them? really honestly and truly, like them?

reason #243 why i like this boy; this young man--my son.

he is patient with my need to take his growing up....s l o w l y.

it's not that he isn't ready. it's that i'm not always ready--not prepared for the next step, quite yet.

i am thankful he gets that--that he is patient with his mom.

that he smiles and nods when i say for the hundredth time, "i'll get there....just give me a little more time. i'm doing my best."



still.

he needs guidance from his parents.

and a tie adjustment. and a ride.


best
deborah

it speaks to me

encourage good intentions.
'nough said.
at target. right now.

p.s.
both the tray....and me. :)

p.s.s.
$9.99.

p.s.s.s.
the tray. not me.



best
deborah

so long

summer.

i'm gonna miss you.

a lot.

until next year.

xoxo
deborah

science a'la mode

every family needs one baker.

needs.

in my family....it is my sister. not me.

she makes all the desserts for every birthday and holiday.

i'm pretty sure she's baked her own birthday cake several years in a row.

i think that is probably at least a little wrong.

b says to me, "she bakes her own birthday dessert? really? that's kind of sad. " in my defense i say, "well, would she want something i baked?" b gives me the arched eyebrow.

baking is science. i earned a minor in science. i should be set.

cooking is art. i love art.

i love the art of cooking--of adding a little more of one thing. maybe a little less of something else. of tweaking and following my instincts. of letting creativity and what's in season lead my hand. maybe some orange peel. and a bit more pepper. out of white onion? maybe i'll add red. the tomatoes are so good--toss those in too.

i've learned you cannot just fly by the seat of your pants, baking. i will pretty much fly by the seat of my pants any chance i get. baking will humble a person like that--like me. i thought i had followed one of my grandma's recipes last christmas for *butterhorns*--a light and flaky pastry shaped into crescents and filled with an apricot preserve. i have such happy memories of those butterhorns and my grandma.

i made cement in a bowl. i did manage to save said bowl--i chiseled it out.

i can make/bake a box mix....i'm not that inept, but the *from scratch* recipes have me scratching my head pretty much every time. (though i do have one *no fail* recipe, i'll share later)

so next year, i promised to bake my sister her birthday dessert. i'm not promising it will be great. i'm going for edible.
she's requested a chocolate torte--my grandma's recipe. oh boy. chisel--check, hammer--check:)


best
deborah