and the livin' is easy

it is almost summer. almost. tomorrow is the last day of school around here--that's my measurement.

i still love summer vacation. love it. love my boys being on our family schedule--as goofy as that is, sometimes.

every last day of school we make a list--and i'm not much of a list maker. but, we(all four of us) make a list of all the things we'd like to do,see,visit,learn, make,try and experience over the short michigan summer.

we started the summer list because as b was ending the school year in 2000, i had just given birth to his new baby brother and i was hoping a list of things from b would help me stay balanced and attuned to both kids--little and itty-bitty. the early baby days of nursing and bathing, napping and burping slip away too quickly and i wanted to make the most of summer for b too. admittedly, i was afraid balancing the needs of two kids would be near impossible. the summer list eased this worry. we did fine, if i remember correctly.

so tomorrow, we'll make our list and do a few other things to celebrate the end of another successful school year. i'll post our list next week. in the meantime, what do you most want to do, see, visit, make, try and experience this summer?



love and light and summmertime
deborah

send

i did it. i really did it. i did it this time.

i've need to call the place down the road that teaches driver's education.

i know i needed to. i've needed to for quite some time.

not for me. for this little guy.

alright, that's an old picture. but, in my mind he will always be a little like that.
even though he is much more like this.

i linked everything i could to the driving.
not a perfect grade = no driving school.
forget to put your bike away properly = no driving school.
leaving backpack in the middle of the hallway = no driving school.
not wearing his retainer = no driving school.

truly, no rhyme or reason.

but our son has been patient. i mean REALLY--break out the capital letters, PATIENT.

let me just say--i know it is not his issue.

it's mine. all mine.

and the issue isn't really driving.

it's control.

and i realize that my fear, anxiety and worry is that i cannot control what happens to my children, my growing young man in this world.

i am happiest and most at ease when i know that all my people are safe at home. unfortunately, my people aren't so accommodating to being tucked in at home all the time.

there was a time that i thought that i feared my child driving. i have no reason to think b isn't ready. i have no reason to think he will be a bad or careless driver. and then i realized, my dad was driving the day he was hit head-on and he is an excellent driver. he did what he could to avoid being hit and probably saved my mom in the process, but he was hit. he could not control the person in the other car.

we cannot control the actions of someone else.

let me say that again (mostly for myself)--we cannot control the actions of someone else.

but we can control some things. things like preparing ourselves and our children through education and example. we can give them an advantage, by offering skills and knowledge. by giving them boundaries, so at least they know when they've crossed them.

so last week, i called b over and asked him to look over the registration. i had signed him up.

after a few minutes, b says, "hit the *send* button, mom"

it's a big step for me. and for my son.

now, i might need to throw-up. but, i'm prepared.


love and light and big steps
deborah

what's the ball count?

we've been celebrating a birthday around here, this week. celebrating our youngest son.

which also means, i've been baking like a fool.

yes, i mean that literally--like a fool.

i baked two 9 inch rounds for a traditional two layer birthday cake. (i don't really like cake and i really don't like sheet cakes....sheet cakes are not festive, in my mind)

that being said, i should have baked a sheet cake.

i let the cakes cool and then began frosting them. the rounded top required a lot more frosting than i had originally figured. all frosted, i carefully covered the cake with the glass dome. i could decorate with swirly lettering after i had cut up two cantalopes and four pounds of strawberries.

this is what i found.

www.cakewrecks.com has nothing on me.

so, then i baked two dozen cupcakes, because i really couldn't put candles in that cake. it would be overkill, right?

then yesterday i made another 48 cupcakes for our little guy's class. and now today i am baking another 48 cupcakes for his baseball team and their families.

oh, and all those little cupcakes are decorated to look like baseballs....if you do the math (i'll save you the trouble) that makes 120 baseball cupcakes.

um, i thought i didn't bake.

oh. yeah. i don't bake WELL.

that's all i've got....i hear the timer going off. sheesh, i hope it's the timer and not the fire alarm.


love and light and cake
deborah

quote for wednesday

"be kind and merciful. let no one ever come to you without coming away better and happier." -- mother teresa


love and light and refreshing rains
deborah

puzzled

r's been wanting a rubik's cube for weeks now.

do you remember them?

the package said it was the 30th anniversary edition.

30th?

holy. moly.

that can't be right. can it?

over the weekend, he received one. he can get one side all the same color. and it did come with the solution. however, r is certain if we give him just one more hour he'll have it figured out.

aw.

i love that confidence.

but, now i'm really puzzled.

this is what i came across this morning when i went to open all the blinds and drapes.

if i come back up here and true has it all figured out--expect to see us on the evening news. er, well....the evening news is a little 30 years ago. expect to see us on youbtube.com.



love and light and confidence
deborah

making decisions

i want to begin by thanking all of you that sent brandie some virtual ((((hugs)))) and support. truly. thank you. brandie's surgery went well and she is recovering--now at home.

************************************************************************************
so i put it *out there* that i am considering breaking-up with my blog.

it's not you....it's me.

i'm considering.

thank you to those of you that left a comment or sent an e-mail to not shut down the blog. i still am not sure what i'm going to do. it's either i step it up or shut it down. i know. i can be a little contradictory. it happens. i do that, sometimes.

my intention was really never to be a blogger.
i swear.

originally, i wanted to post pics of my art. (that, like almost never happens.)


i don't consider myself a writer....at all.
i consider myself someone that loves to tell stories and hear stories and read stories and share what i know and learn from other people. somehow, that led me to blogging.

it seems that so much of what would make great blog posts (in my mind) aren't my stories to tell. we have a teenager. our conversations and what is going through my mind daily....sometimes hourly would make amazing blog posts. but, shockingly--16 year old boy-men, don't want their mommas sharing with the world all their business. i know--the injustice, right?

there is other stuff too. but the young man stuff is blog worthy. so, i'm trying to figure that out. actually, it's not so much the *young man* stuff--but, the momma of a young man stuff. this is the stuff life is made of--the messy and interesting, the funny and dramatic, the scary and courageous stuff. i can feel myself stretching and growing everyday. some days, i rock mothering. some days--i'm an epic fail. (of course, we do not say *epic fail* anymore....it's overused--says one 16 year old, that shares our home)


i thought i would still be teaching my son at this time in his life. i suppose i am. but, i really had no idea i would be the student most days. i love this boy more than my heart can take sometimes. sometimes, i'd just like to hold him tight tight tight. those are usually the days when i need to let him loose a little more.

so now that is leading me to some new decisions--directions that i have to decide how to follow. but, i'm getting good at leading from behind, anyway.


love and light and good decisions
deborah

hey, friend

well hello there.

i was considering shutting down this blog. i'm considering a lot of things.

but today, i am mostly thinking about my friend. i've never met her in person but, have known her for over two years. we became friends over hundreds of chats and conversations as editors for themotherhood.com.

this is brandie.

today, she is undergoing a bilateral mastectomy. and i am here--in michigan and she's in chicago.

the internet has a way of bringing people together that would not likely meet otherwise. i love that. but some days, i wish i could be there in person.

it isn't my story to tell, it's hers and she writes at a journey of 1000 stitches.
it would be SA-WEET if you showed up there and gave her more support. a virtual hug isn't exactly like a physical hug....but it's something. and some days, you feel like you need to be able to do something, you know?


love and light and ((((hugs))))
deborah